i must first begin with a big thank you.
i cannot even begin tell you how much your words meant to me… the emails, messages, comments & friends here simply asking… you are all so great & truly encouraging. as we drove into oklahoma, i was reminded of all of your advice… don’t instantly judge, seek the adventure, you will be with your life partner through all of this. & without even really noticing, i was walking into the library to ask questions, excited for the many amazing {!!!} thrift shops & scouting out potential homes.
the biggest moment came when i was checking out at salvation army. the woman asked where i was from & i told her my husband & i were here for a visit for an interview. she sighed heavily & wished me the best. she told me that jobs seemed to be the topic for the day; many were coming in without jobs, scraping by until something came their way. she only received part-time hours & her roommate finally found a job after months of searching.
i thanked her & as i walked out realized, i am so privileged. this “problem” of finding the perfect piece of land with similar, like-minded people surrounding me & a career for luke so that i can focus on creative pursuits is actually, not a “problem” at all. it is tough to admit when you’re completely oblivious to your unearned privilege, but i am most of the time. i am thankful for the woman at salvation army who knocked me out of my selfish mindset.
when luke came back from his interview, he was so excited for this job opportunity. i, too, was excited. we can make this place home just like our comfortable little town of columbia, missouri.
& onto learning about yourself & how much you have to learn, my birthday was on monday. at only 22, there are many more discoveries to be made!
sweet luke did everything! he baked the cake, built the fire pit, prepared the grass-fed burgers & entertained everyone. over 50 friends came to the party! i was so shocked to see so many of those that i love.
& it was also so bittersweet. i will miss these people, this community so much, but there is so much to look forward to. we must keep our heads up as we look forward.
we find out in about a week if luke was accepted for the job. keep us in your thoughts as we anxiously wait.
natalie
as you all probably already know, luke & i are finishing our undergraduate degrees in may.
during our four years here, we have met & fallen in love, built community with our church family & dear friends, found our passion for cultivating the earth, & learned to live simply in our home. along with many other simple moments, these are the events that have led up to who we are now.
but of course, we have always known that these roots were temporary. at some point, we knew we must uproot & move to a new place, a new city, a new people, a new home.
for me, that reality is both equally exciting & really, really hard.
i imagined our new home in the northern states, close to many sustainable agricultural opportunities in a budding city with culture & good food & progressive people. i naively imagined our lives would perfectly line up exactly where i wanted our lives to line up. i was craving both adventure & comfort.
as it most often goes, that isn’t exactly how it is all turning out to be.
luke recently received an email from an advisor urging him to apply to a position in oklahoma. this position is amazing! salary, full benefits, & he would learn so much. his job would bring purpose & would work toward research in community agriculture & sustainable production of poultry.
of course, the position is in oklahoma. in the middle of nowhere oklahoma.
once he emailed his resume, he received a call a few days later for an interview.
this is when it began to hit me.
i’ve cried. i’ve stressed myself out. i’ve grown exhausted from all of the worry & doubts & fears. the thought of uprooting our family to a place with little to offer other than a great career opportunity really scares me.
this decision has been the most difficult decision we have had to work through in our marriage.
i want to put up my wall & simply pretend like it isn’t happening. we will find something better. this isn’t the place for us.
luke continually challenges me to live outside of my comfort. reminds me that i can make a home almost anywhere as long as there is a thrift store.
although he is undoubtedly right, i have grown angrier & more frustrated by the day. moving in less than two months with little to no idea where leaves me scattered, uneasy & anxious. i’ve never felt so unsure of my surroundings & the possibilities ahead.
in trying to calm the uneasiness inside, luke & i are traveling to oklahoma next week for a visit & his interview. i know hard conversations will be had & big decisions will need to be made. as we prepare for this time, i am choosing to remind myself that we are a team. things will work out. he would never choose for me a place that would make me incredibly unhappy & of course- i would do the same for him.
as i end this, there is no big conclusion as of now. we are still left in the in between. next week might bring some clarity. if anything, it will bring luke & i closer as we work through life & all of its baggage.
friends, thanks for allowing me to share my heart with you.
natalie
we celebrated the newness of this beautiful season with sun tea,
clean clothes hung on the line & finishing our spring garden.
i am looking forward to what this season has to offer…
the excitement of graduating, the time spent cultivating our little plot
& the adventure of moving to a new place
to make a new life.
wherever that may be.
enjoy your sunday evening, friends!
natalie