i want to pause for a moment & breathe a sigh of relief. ok.
the good stuff is here. things are coming together, pieces are revealing a bigger picture, this house finally feels like a home. my home. for nearly a year, i’ve felt like a different person driving around another’s town, living in someone else’s home, unable to experience my life & really carve out a space to call my own. i finally feel differently & it feels so good. of course, i wouldn’t choose this place, but it finally feels like my place, my town, my home, my life! i need to add more explanation points !!!! because this is big for me. after all of the complaints, the excuses, the sobs, the time, the effort, the strength, & the growth- i am content.
& incredibly thankful. a few weeks ago, i received a job opportunity with the girl scouts. a full-time position, a salary, benefits. i was shocked, really. throughout the process of looking for a job as a fresh college graduate & feeling like a failure because my husband was paying my college debt, i convinced myself that maybe a full-time position wasn’t what i needed because it just wasn’t working out. i was finding joy in the garden, our home, & my part-time position at the health foods store. still, i felt like those four years of learning & the knowledge i gained needed to be exercised & used. also, i wanted to take responsibility for my debt. after receiving the call that the job was essentially mine, i finally felt that relief that i am talking about.
i am a bit hesitant about entering the full-time workforce, though. striking that balance between work, my marriage, our home, the garden, our sweet animals, & my creative pursuits will be a challenge. clocking in for a 40-hour work week & making dinner is daunting. i want to continue gardening, making photos & homesteading in our humble neighborhood. even though it will be rough at first, i believe that balance can be found in our lives & i am looking forward to the change!
love,
natalie
tonight’s just sweet potatoes. this time change has got me exhausted. & a little grumpy.
love,
natalie
natalie
i have been a nervous mama for days now- hovering over the coop, making sure the girls had a comfortable place to lay, enough straw, plenty of greens. most of my irrational thoughts went a little like this- “why aren’t the girls laying? are they healthy? they seem happy! oh no! they will never lay an egg!“
after days of conversing with the girls, urging, even begging them to lay, i walked out to the coop on this cold & rainy afternoon to find a beautiful egg. just sitting there in the nesting box as it should. pure joy. i jumped! i screamed! i opened the door to thank them for their generosity & found another white & brown speckled egg in a far corner! our girls know us so well! an egg for each of their proud parents!
there is something so sacred, so magical about the intimacy of growing & tending to one’s own food. i am thankful to take part in that magic. & for the everyday joy of finding an egg. or two.
tonight’s dinner- salad topped with an egg.
love,
natalie
natalie