i am afraid of becoming a mother.
last year i shared a glimpse of our story on not yet having children. it was one of those gut-punching entries to write that left me feeling naked & vulnerable. once my words & thoughts were out into the world, my people gathered around me & loved me something fierce. thank you.
& if you’re wondering, we’re still in the waiting.
& i am terrified.
i’m not afraid of the sleepless nights.
or the dirty diapers & endless messes.
i’m not afraid of how our marriage will shift
or the potential of losing touch with friends.
i’m not even afraid of the growth that will happen within us as individuals.
or the many endless decisions we will have to make.
i am afraid of becoming a mother because i am afraid of losing myself.
my people, just sit with me for a moment in this place.
& as a disclaimer, let’s just put it all out there. i am coming from a place of zero experience. i am sharing with only second-hand insight & observations as my guide.
but it aches me to the core when i witness women sink deep into motherhood & lose sight of who they are or the glorious potential of who they could become.
friends, i am pro mom.
i know amazing women who are moms & i absolutely adore my own.
i want to be a mom.
but i also want to be a wife, a friend, a maker, a writer, an inspirer, an adventurist & an individual.
as i shared these thoughts & struggles with my tribe over coffee, my sweet friend shared that even in the depths of motherhood, she finds it helpful to remember the person she was before children.
yes.
i want to love as a mother & i want to love myself.
i want to give as a mother but keep a piece just for myself.
i want to spend my time with my family & tuck away plenty for me, too.
i want to grow as a mother & i want to grow as an individual.
& i think that’s ok.
friends,
what makes you tick?
what makes your heart beat a little faster?
what excites you & keeps you going even in the midst of the hardest of days?
in our own stages of growth & our unique seasons of life, let’s seek out more of those heart racing moments & experiences that make us tick. let’s linger in our passions for a little longer & grow more fully into who we are, even as mothers.
grab your cup of coffee & share with me your thoughts. let’s open this space up for dialogue.
how do you struggle to balance your roles as mother, partner & individual?
how do you succeed in nurturing your soul & being?
does this struggle & fear ring true in your life?
what are tangible tools & practices that you use to remain true to who you are?
let’s talk. i have so much to learn from you.
love,
natalie