i want to pause for a moment & breathe a sigh of relief. ok.
the good stuff is here. things are coming together, pieces are revealing a bigger picture, this house finally feels like a home. my home. for nearly a year, i’ve felt like a different person driving around another’s town, living in someone else’s home, unable to experience my life & really carve out a space to call my own. i finally feel differently & it feels so good. of course, i wouldn’t choose this place, but it finally feels like my place, my town, my home, my life! i need to add more explanation points !!!! because this is big for me. after all of the complaints, the excuses, the sobs, the time, the effort, the strength, & the growth- i am content.
& incredibly thankful. a few weeks ago, i received a job opportunity with the girl scouts. a full-time position, a salary, benefits. i was shocked, really. throughout the process of looking for a job as a fresh college graduate & feeling like a failure because my husband was paying my college debt, i convinced myself that maybe a full-time position wasn’t what i needed because it just wasn’t working out. i was finding joy in the garden, our home, & my part-time position at the health foods store. still, i felt like those four years of learning & the knowledge i gained needed to be exercised & used. also, i wanted to take responsibility for my debt. after receiving the call that the job was essentially mine, i finally felt that relief that i am talking about.
i am a bit hesitant about entering the full-time workforce, though. striking that balance between work, my marriage, our home, the garden, our sweet animals, & my creative pursuits will be a challenge. clocking in for a 40-hour work week & making dinner is daunting. i want to continue gardening, making photos & homesteading in our humble neighborhood. even though it will be rough at first, i believe that balance can be found in our lives & i am looking forward to the change!
love,
natalie