and just as an update, i wanted to let you know that i am finally feeling more like myself. the past few weeks, for me, have been such a struggle. i felt so empty, so purposeless. i would spend my week going to class, going to work, and coming home exhausted & worn-out, only to eat dinner & be left with piles of dirty dishes in the sink & homework left unfinished. i would look forward to the weekend, to a break, but it would past by so quickly, until i would wake-up on monday morning wondering if there was a break at all. i felt so frazzled, so empty, so purposeless. i would look forward to weekends spent with my mom and date nights with luke, but at the end of those times, i was left unfulfilled. finally, at what i felt like the end of my strength & my sanity, i broke down. to be quite honest, i had never felt so dark, so sad.
i realized that i had been living on repeat. school, work, dinner, homework, sleep. school, work, dinner, homework, sleep. repeat. repeat. repeat….
through the tears, the frustruation, the helplessness, i began to pray. i began to journal. i closed the laptop & went outside. i turned on a little frank sinatra & slowly made lunch. i picked up a book, of my own choosing, & began to read. i began knitting, using my hands to create something else. slowly, i began to feel lighter, the weight of life lifted off my shoulders. i thanked God for the little moments of silent in my day. i relished in the present, not the future relief to come.
naturally, i know that there is still sadness to come. these little changes do not resolve life’s hectic pace & fleeting time. but- i do now know that these moments will pass…. and there is something so much greater to look forward to.
thank you for reading.
natalie